Wednesday, July 27, 2011


Hi everybody. I have a lot going on right now. We just got back from an amazing trip to Wyoming and I have family in from out of town. During our Wyoming trip I had a lot of time to think partly because we drove there. It was great relaxing and hiking in such a beautiful place. The thing about it that has really been on my mind since we have been back is the mountains. I think the mountains are a lot like life. (I know that may sound weird but I do have a point coming :) In life most of the time I think we want it to be like the plains of Kansas. Nothing too crazy or tough. Just easy going. But in my opinion life is not that way. There is always some hurdle coming or maybe one you just got through. Its full of ups and downs. As we climb the mountains in our life so many times we just want to be on the top. We don't realize that it is good for us to be hiking up. During that time we are struggling and by the grace of God we power through and eventually get to the top of that challenge. Those that hike know that once you get to the top of where you are going and can fully see the view and where you have come from it is all worth it. Then you head back down refreshed until that next mountain comes. For me my current mountain is infertility. For those reading it may be that or something else. I just want to encourage you today that someday you will get to the top. And I hope that when you do that you can see the beauty in the journey you completed to get there. That you can trust that God got you through this and He will get you through the next one.

Ry and I smiling at the top of a mountain we climbed
Me ready to keep climbing

Monday, July 11, 2011


Happy Monday. I hope everyone is doing well. I am good. I have enjoyed time with family and friends. Ry and I just love our puppy Chandelle. But I don't want this post to be just about me. I have realized that I have been selfish lately just writing about what I am going through and asking for prayer for myself and not using this as an outlet for those who read it as well. Everyone has a story to tell and something they need prayer about. So I want to open up this post for y'all to share what is on your heart. it doesn't have to be fertility related. Also I want to let you know if you ever need prayer please let me know and I will be more than happy to pray for you. I try to catch the prayer request on facebook but I know I probably miss some of them too. So thank you for being there for me through this process. Let me know if there is anything I can do to be there for you :)

Thursday, July 7, 2011

2 Years

Hey. Tuesday was a sad day for me. July 5th marked 2 years since we started trying to have a baby. We have endured 24 months of dashed hopes and crying over pregnancy tests. I was kind of down in the dumps because most research shows if it hasn't happened in 2 years it is extremely unlikely it will ever happen. One year is when you get the infertility label. Two years is when you get told that of the couples that make it to this point only 10% ever conceive a child. Those are not good odds. But while I am throwing my pity party I got an e-mail from the leader of the prayer team at the church I started attending again in STL. (I read in the bulletin on Sunday that you could e-mail prayer request and felt led to do so). After telling me that she was praying for me she told me that she didn't know why but God had given her a name for me. Sarena. She thought maybe it was related to Sarah in the Bible. I looked it up and with shaking hands read that Sarena was a Hebrew version of Sarah. Still shaking I started to pray and I felt led to read Sarah's story in Genesis. For those who don't know she was 90 years old when God gave her a child. She didn't believe it was possible at her age. My biological clock is ticking at 27. I can't imagine being 90. As I read I prayed, God speak to me through this. Please tell me why she was told that name. Then I got to Genesis 21:6-7. "Sarah said, "God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me." 7 And she added, "Who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would nurse children? Yet I have borne him a son in his old age." " My heart leaped. I felt God saying don't listen to the statistics and others who say it won't happen. Someday I will be a mom and I will laugh like Sarah. And I will share my story and others will laugh with joy along with me. I'm just believing and trusting my day will come even if I have to wait til I am 90.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Psalm 27

Okay. So I know I just posted yesterday but then I read this awesome verse and had to share. Also I wanted to ask y'all to pray for our puppies Chandelle and Honey (Honey is my mom's). We had to rush Chandelle to the vet tonight. After a bunch of test she has a bad case of pnemonia and possibly a parasite. The vet couldn't believe she was still eating and drinking okay with how bad the infection was. Dogs have 5 lungs and one of Chandelle's was almost full of infection. Our poor girl. Both pups go back to the vet tomorrow making their 3rd vet appointments in a week. I am already very attached to our little one and have enjoyed nuturing her this week. So please pray for them.

Now back to the verse. Ry and I have been reading Psalm. Last night we were on chapter 27 and the last verse just popped out to me. Psalm 27:14 (KJV) "Wait on the LORD: be of good courage , and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait , I say, on the LORD." I feel that is what God has been speaking to me along this journey. Also many wise women in my life have told me the same thing. So often in this life we are rushing toward what we want. We want it and we want it now.  But what is more important than getting what we want is waiting on God's perfect timing. When He tells us to wait there is a reason. While we may not understand, we have to trust that His plan is better than ours. This is SOOOOO hard. Don't read this and think I have this down. Believe me I don't. I struggle with this as much as the next person if not even more. But I keep reminding myself that sometimes the journey is more important than getting to that finish line. What I gain and learn along the way makes the wait worthwhile. And if I am just focusing on where I want to be I miss out on all the good stuff in between. I know this journey, even though it is hard and heartbreaking,  is molding me into the woman God wants me to be. I cannot do this alone and I am so thankful for all the wonderful people God has brought into my life. God will give me the strength to wait. I just have to keep trudging along the path ahead and enjoy each day for what it is not for what I am hoping it will be.