Monday, February 20, 2012

So yesterday was kind of tough for me. I went to a baby shower at church. It was good meeting more ladies at church but I think other girls going through infertility will agree- baby showers can bring on a lot of emotions. I almost always come home crying from them. I know this probably sounds horrible. Its not a jealousy thing. I truly am happy for all the women out there having babies. I just feel left out. The majority of women at showers are moms or kids. The moms are giving advice and talking about their kids. Then when asked if you have kids you get the sad eyes and "your time will come" comments. Its just hard. The easiest days on this journey have been the days I spend with Ry and Chandelle and I'm not thinking about babies or the fact that just about everyone I know has them. I've grown to a point where most of the time I am content with it being just Ry and me but then there are the days that the longing breaks in and I just feel alone. I know I should be happy. I have an amazing husband. Ry and I have been through so much together and our bond is so close. Sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself. I am truly blessed. But there is an ache in my heart and a loneliness caused from it.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Let Go

hey everybody. I know I haven't written in forever. We have been busy and I don't like writing just to write. So the combination of lack of time and lack of topic have led to over a month off of writing. But I am back. So I will start with an update on Ry and me. Ry was in a car wreck- praise God he is okay. It led to him getting chiropractic care which led me to thinking about going. I went to one of his appointments and he talked to his chiropractor about me. My spine has an S curve. I've had scoliosis for a long time but never really did anything about it. I just lived with the pain and didn't realize all the side affects it could be having on me. So long story short I have been seeing a chiropractor once a week for the past three weeks. He says fixing my spine could help with a whole lot of my health problems- including the infertility. So while my main reason to go is to fix my back and headaches, I am interested to see if it helps other areas too.

The past month has been really stressful. I won't go into details but there have been a lot of stressors in our lives. We've been praying and praying and still don't have answers. So we were at church yesterday and the pastor at the end of the sermon told us to be quiet and listen. When I quieted myself I heard God use Chandy as an illustration for me.  Chandelle loves to play fetch. Its probably her favorite thing other than maybe playing in the snow. Chandelle doesn't like letting go of the ball though. She has gotten better about it over time and we even have a signal for her to drop it. Still she doesn't want to let go and gives me this pleading look when she finally gives in. God told me I'm like Chandelle and the ball is all the stressors in our lives. I want to hold them and not let them go. God wants me to trust Him and give Him the ball. As tough as it is to let go, I know God will take care of it. About a week ago I got a text from a family member saying to read Philippians 4:6-7.    "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." 
I don't have to have all this anxiety and stress. If I let go I can have peace. So I am trying to let go. My prayer for those of you reading this is that you can let go too.

Below are some pictures for my non-Alaska friends. We have gotten so much snow.