Sunday, February 22, 2015

In sickness and in health

It has been a long time since I wrote. Every time I try, I end up erasing it. Explaining where I am at right now is difficult. My body is one place and part of my heart is here as well- but a big part of me still has not come back to the States. I miss Bots. There is a moment almost everyday where I am reminded of it and I am happy and sad at the same time. Don't get me wrong. I love being with my family and friends that I have spent way too little time with over the last five years. It was amazing meeting my niece. I met her at her first birthday party. I got to spend time with my other nieces and nephews over Christmas and couldn't believe how much they had grown. I kept thinking my niece was her older sister because there was no way my little niece could have grown that much. Time kept ticking by while we were away and it is good to get caught up.


I miss my friends

I miss our adventures

I miss the wildlife. Where else can you camp with the lions, hippos, and rhinos?

But most of all I miss the kids and our mission. 

If we loved it so much why did we leave? My health. It has gotten pretty bad and my doctor (and several other doctors and nurses) said it was time. So I have had test after test run but the doctors can't diagnose it. They say obviously something is wrong but they do not know what. Some say autoimmune, others say neurological, and others say there is a spiritual warfare component. I have even changed my diet to try to boost my immune system. We are that desperate. It has been incredibly frustrating and part of me just wants to give up and go back.

What keeps me here is I believe God has a purpose in this. While in Africa we saw 2 miracles. The first was the dog bite being healed. The leg went from gushing blood and me being incoherent about to pass out to us laying hands on it and the bleeding stops and I regain clarity. The doctor at the hospital was amazed. He chastised us for wrapping it because "you don't do that with bites without lots of blood."

The other miracle was God straightened my spine. The doctor thought some of my pain was caused by my scoliosis. Friends laid hands on my back and prayed and my spine straightened. It caused me to grow over an inch and a half.

In that moment, God could have healed whatever is causing this but He didn't. That tells me that there is a reason. I have been seeing doctor after doctor and getting to share our story. I get weird looks when I say God straightened my spine- and that's okay. After all we've been through searching for answers and wanting a diagnosis, I have come to the conclusion that the doctors aren't going to fix me. We aren't waiting on them to perform just the right test or for me to eat just the right diet or take the right medicine. We are waiting on another miracle.

We don't fully understand the purpose of the wait. This has been going on for eleven months. We may never have a clear picture. However, we are going to continue our mission back in the States. We are going to share God's love. We are going to open up our home to orphans. We are going to make the most of this time. I may be in pain but I'm not dead yet. I can still make a difference. I cried in church last week as we sang the line from "In Christ Alone" that states, "No power of hell. No scheme of man. Can ever pluck me from His hand." God is in control. My job is not to understand but to trust and obey.

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." Albert Einstein