Plan

It has been a really crazy week. The one thing I have learned is that most of the time things don't go the way you plan. I am a planner. I like to know every detail. I am a little weird like that. Yes I can go with the flow and be flexible, but I prefer to have a plan and follow it. I make lists and schedules. It is just the way I am. So I think that is why it has been so hard to let go and say okay God in your timing in your plan. I wanted to have kids by now. I know that there is a reason we haven't been able to and that someday I'll look back and understand. But in this moment it is hard to accept. It is a constant battle for me. Everyday I have to give it to God and there are days I don't want to. There are days I want to be a toddler telling my Father no while kicking and screaming. I want my way. It is then that I am reminded that I am just a child and I do not know everything that I think I know. I just have to trust my Father knows best. Ry sent me a text this week with 5 names on it. I was confused and texted back asking what they were. He said they are our children's names. I had to bite my lip from bursting into tears. That is so the desire of my heart and now that Ry feels it too it makes it so much harder not having it. So I am hoping and praying this is the month God gives us our miracle. But I know even if he doesn't I have to trust His plan. Pray for us as we wait and trust.

PS. Happy Easter everybody

Update

Sorry everybody. The last two weeks have been extremely busy and I have not had the time to get on here and write. I did start naturally praise the Lord. It took 95 days, but I can restart the counting of days. I did not get the blood test. I was about to leave to do the blood test when Ryan called and said his grandpa was dying and we need to leave now. We went back to Saint Louis for a couple days to grieve with family. While we were there I started. We were back home maybe 24 hours before leaving for Alaska. Alaska is so beautiful! The people are really nice too. We had so much fun. We are hoping for the opportunity to go back soon.

So that is a quick update on me. Other than jet lag and a cold I am doing alright. I am hoping this is the month, but I also have to trust God's timing. He knows better than I do. We are learning to lay down our will at the feet of the cross and ask God for His will. While incredibly hard, we know its what is best for us. It will make us stronger.

Here are some pics from our trip:

                                                          On the Airplane. Exhausted

                                                              Before hiking Flat Top.

                                                      My pilot at the Aviation Museum

                                                          
                                                                Ahhh! A Moose!

trust me

I want to start this blog with a prayer request. My husband's grandpa is in the hospital. I don't have many details yet.
This week I've felt God telling me the same thing a lot. He keeps whispering in my ear "trust me." That should be easy right? He did create everything by just speaking it into being. He calmed the seas and quieted the storms. He knows me better than I know myself. So why am I struggling with this? Why do I need to keep being told each day? I wish I did not struggle with it. There is such peace laying your burdens down at Jesus' feet. This is one that I keep picking right back up again. I win for a couple days and then the hormones or heart break of the situation gets to me. Then back up it goes. Does anyone else find themselves doing the same thing? Today I want to let go. My prayer is that I can give it to God and leave it with Him. It is so hard trying to do it yourself.

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