i'm going to try to write a post. if you could see me you'd understand why i said try. my arms are wrapped up like a mummy. my fingers are bandaged together so i am doing the point and peck method with my thumbs. oh and i am wearing sunglasses because my eyes are swollen and light sensitive. so please excuse typos and non capitalization. i should be sleeping but the thoughts in my brain won't stop swirling til i write them. so here we go.
i got a terrible contagious skin rash. probably one of the worst medical conditions i've had and i have had a lot. i find myself empathizing with Job in chapter 2 where he takes broken pottery to scrape his skin off. his pain is so bad he wishes he had never been born. ouch. he also asks 'why' a lot. i find myself doing the same. any time we suffer i think we question it. i'm all woe is me and Lord why am i suffering when i am doing what you called me to do? i just want to be out of pain and i consider living in a bubble for the rest of my life so i can't catch anything else. i focus on what is temporary and not what is eternal. this pain will pass. this life will pass. eternity will not. i can be angry that someone made me ill or i can continue loving the people God brings me into contact with. living in a foreign country is not without risk. chances are if i continue what i am doing i will catch something else but is that enough of a reason to stuff doing what God has called me to do? I got this quote in my devotions this morning and i love it:
"we are created by God to do great works. He invites us to outlive our lives, not just in heaven but here on earth... may you live in such a way that your death is just the beginning of your life." max Lucado, out live your life
i want to leave a legacy. the kids i serve now will become adults someday and they will impact others. its the whole ripple effect. i can't do that if i stay stuck in my suffering or if i hold back out of fear. this life on earth is hard- but it is temporary. and the best part is that we don't have to walk it alone. right now no one will touch me- not even my husband- but Jesus will. I know He is holding my hand guiding me down this road. i can't say i know what you are going through. some of you are walking through things harder than i am. all i can say is Jesus is with you and keep chasing His will. If you do that then you will outlive this life.