Saturday, March 26, 2011

Update

So I went to my regular doctor Thursday. He diagnosed me with a UTI and most likely an ovarian cyst. He strongly recommended I see my gynecologist. So I broke down and went yesterday. When I told the receptionist who scheduled the appointment, nurse, and doctor that my last period was January 5 I got mostly the same reaction. A look or a tone of confusion. 80 days without a period and you are just coming in now. They didn't pry to find out why but I could tell they were wondering. They did an ultrasound and I most likely had a cyst that had burst. The pain was from that and the UTI. She also wants to do a blood serum pregnancy test in 2 weeks and if it is negative put me on Provera or the pill. I really do not want to do either of the 2 options. She said you should go past 3 months without a period. So I do not know what to do. Please pray that I just start on my own or that maybe I miraculously am pregnant. I am really tired of this. I know that testing of my faith makes me stronger and that I have to trust God's plan, but those things are much easier said than done. Right now I am weak. I am in pain and tired all the time. I want to stay on God's path for me.

Sanctus Real is one of my favorite bands. I've posted their lyrics before. 2 songs that have really been playing in my mind when I get upset about this crazy situation are These Things Take Time and The Way the World Turns. God has a purpose for all of this and I need to focus on Him. Below is a link to the song. I have to realize I may not understand the why but I have to keep trusting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFitfYRQ_RE

Saturday, March 19, 2011

frustrated

So its day 74. Still waiting and wondering what is going on. This is probably TMI but I am having pain in my lower abdomen and occasionally just a drop of blood in my urine. I'm wondering if that means I am going to start. It is no fun waiting though. I'm trying to stay positive. I'm still trying to gain weight. It is just kind of frustrating right now. I want my body to behave. I'm considering going back to the doctor but I don't know if they'll have answers for me. I do not want to waste a copay to be told to take medicine I won't take (Provera). Please pray for me. I'm having a rough time with this right now.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

update cycle day 70

I wanted to give you guys an update on my health. I am finally feeling like I am better. My asthma has calmed and my breathing is back to normal. I still have not started. I am on day 70 of my cycle. This may be my longest cycle yet. I am feeling alright though. I know being sick could push it back. I have been doing a lot of fertlity research for school and it talked about BMI being a big fertility factor. According to my wii and the dr scale my BMI is really low. So I am actively trying to gain 5 to 10 pounds. I have tried in the past so I am hoping to be more successful this time.

Also, I wanted to discuss music. In addition to everything else Christian music has been helpful for me. There is just something about listening to it that just lifts my spirits. I have my go to songs for when I am having a rough day or I just listen to Christian music. I feel God speak to me and my day gets better. What do you do to encourage yourself on the rough days?
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Thursday, March 10, 2011

encouragement

So today is my birthday. I woke up this morning with a sense of sadness instead of excitement. It is the first birthday I've had since we got the infertility news. So instead of being happy for my special day I was focusing on my fertility clock ticking. Most research says I only have eight or so good fertility years left. I want to have 3 kids and adopt 2. According to my plan I would be working on kiddo number 2 by now. I know God's plan is bigger and better than mine, but I still had an ache in my heart today. Then my phone started buzzing with texts, emails, and facebook messages. The more I read the better I started to feel. I let go of my sadness and now I can enjoy my birthday. This reminds me of so many Bible verses about encouragement. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 and Hebrews 3:13 remind us to encourage each other. Life is not easy. We need each other. So I want to encourage you to reach out to somebody today. A little text or email could make a big difference for them today :-)
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encouragement

So today is my birthday. I woke up this morning with a sense of sadness instead of excitement. It is the first birthday I've had since we got the infertility news. So instead of being happy for my special day I was focusing on my fertility clock ticking. Most research says I only have eight or so good fertility years left. I want to have 3 kids and adopt 2. According to my plan I would be working on kiddo number 2 by now. I know God's plan is bigger and better than mine, but I still had an ache in my heart today. Then my phone started buzzing with texts, emails, and facebook messages. The more I read the better I started to feel. I let go of my sadness and now I can enjoy my birthday. This reminds me of so many Bible verses about encouragement. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 and Hebrews 3:13 remind us to encourage each other. Life is not easy. We need each other. So I want to encourage you to reach out to somebody today. A little text or email could make a big difference for them today :-)
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Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Brokenness

So this week has already been pretty therapeutic for me. Sunday at church was amazing. The pastor spoke about Joshua and how we want the land of milk and honey but sometimes we have to struggle to get there. The band played a song after the sermon and I just started bawling. Not little tears, my eyes were flooded with tears. I could not stop crying. It was such a release. So often I feel that I have to be strong and not show that I am hurting. It felt so good to stand broken before my God who loves me. I was reading my textbook for class by Mark McMinn. He writes that, "healing relationships with God and others were established when brokenness and need were openly acknowledged" and "the gift of pain draws us into community with God and one another." Pain is not fun but if you bring that pain and brokeness to God, He can heal you. He may not take away the pain, but He will give you the strength to stand through the struggle. So whatever your struggle is today bring it to God. He does care and is listening.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Miracles

Okay so I found some time :) So much is going on in our lives right now. No baby yet, but God is opening doors for us that we thought would not open. Doors we were told could never be opened. So there is a lot of excitement and stress in this house. I'm not going to post details on here yet until we are sure that things will be happening, but if you want to know call/ text/ e-mail me and I'll update you :)

As far as my health, I am doing much better. Thank you for your prayers. I am on day 59 of my cycle. I should be having my second period, but I'm still waiting for my first.

So two things have come up this week that I want to share. First, I wrote a huge research paper about foster care this week. It broke my heart all of those kids without homes and the negative affects it will have on their lives. Ry and I have thrown around the idea of adoption, and it is still something we are strongly considering. But like the situation above, God would have to open a lot of doors.

The other is a quote I read for school. It is from Integrative Approaches to Psychology and Christianity by David Entwistle. He summarized C.S. Lewis by saying, "Lewis argued that the ability to identify something as a miracle actually depends upon knowledge of the normal rules of nature precisely because the miraculous does not fit the normal and expected pattern. In his view, a miracle is not something that breaks the rules, but is an intervention by which something new is introduced into nature, which nature accommodates." God does miracles, but since they are not the norm people get skeptical when they want a miracle. God intervenes for us. I think miracles happen all the time, but we seek a rational excuse to explain them away. There are several miraculous pregnancies in the Bible. If it happened back then, what is to keep it from happening now? My dream is to be a mom. Right now it will pretty much take a small miracle to get me there. But I am still believing.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

busy

Just a quick apology. I have so much homework to do right now that I have not had time to write anything that does not have to do with getting my Master's. In addition to that it appears Ry and I might be making a big step with our life soon, so that is time consuming as well. Hopefully this weekend I will get on and write more. I am on day 57 of this cycle and I am still waiting.... Talk to you soon :)