Saturday, January 29, 2011

Day 42 Prayer

So I'm still not feeling well, but I wanted to share something that has been on my mind this week. My church is adding a second site, which Ry and I are super excited about, so last weeks sermon was about prayer. Prayer is so powerful. Our pastor equated prayer to either changing God's mind or Him changing our heart. Isn't that so true. So many times we go to God asking Him for something, but come away with a change of heart. I've experienced that at several points in my life. One of them was when my father passed away. We had been praying for his healing from cancer (we wanted to change God's mind) but he lost his battle to cancer April 21, 2001. It took some time to see, but my father did get his healing. It was not how we wanted it though. He is in Heaven with God now where there is no pain. January 27 is his birthday, so this week I have been thinking a lot about him.

Another time I experienced this has been through this infertility journey. I wanted a baby my way and on my time table. God has changed my heart to be able to trust His timing and pray for His will concerning us becoming parents. I just want to glorify God through this and become the woman he is changing me into.

I love this quote by John Wesley, "I have so much to do that I must spend several hours in prayer before I am able to do it." I love that because aren't we all sometimes guilty of thinking of it the opposite way. I have so much to do today so I don't have time to pray or I'll just say a quick prayer. I admit that I do that too. Prayer is so powerful though we should make adequate time for it instead of rushing through it. What blessings are we missing on our busy days that we skip out on prayer?

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Day 39

Hi everybody. Let me start this post with a disclaimer. I am not feeling well today. I woke up with my first cold of the year that in combination with needing to get my wisdom teeth out has made me feel terrible. So if this post is incoherent, I apologize.

I babysat for one of my best friends on Monday. She has an infant and it was the first time in years that I had babysat a child that young. The infant was well behaved, but I had forgotten how much work taking care of an infant is. She wanted my attention the whole time I was there. Something as simple as eating dinner became a complicated task. So to all the moms out there, you are awesome. Even though is was more work than I thought I came away from that experience with two thoughts. The first is that I am thankful God didn't give us a child when we first started trying because having a baby and finishing up classes would have been harder than I anticipated. Once again, to all the moms out there who are finishing up degrees, you ladies are amazing. My second thought though was one of sadness. Even though I know it is not easy, I still really want to be a mom.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Day 34- Believe

First let me apologize that it has been so long since I have posted anything. Work, school, and helping Ryan get his packet ready for the ANG boards has kept me pretty busy.

I have been reading in Matthew the past couple of weeks. Matthew has so many miracles in it and before almost all the miracles it talks about Jesus having compassion on the person he does the miracle for. I love that because it is an awesome reminder of how much God loves us.

Another big theme in Matthew is faith. Matthew 7:7 says, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened for you." Knock and it will be opened has really been happening in our lives lately. It just seems like God keeps opening up doors for Ryan concerning the Air Guard boards coming up soon. I won't go into details, but it is pretty awesome. (Please continue to pray for God's will with Ry trying to find a pilot job/ join the Air National guard). Another verse in Matthew is 19:26 when Jesus says, "With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." A third verse is Matthew 21:21-22 where Jesus says, "If you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but also if you say unto this mountain, 'be removed and be cast into the sea," it will be done. And whatever things you ask in prayer believing you shall receive."

Those verses and many more speak to the power of our belief. Do we really believe that God can do what we are asking? I miss my child like faith sometimes. I love talking with the kids at work. They believe that anything is possible. Superheros and fairies are real. They have not been corrupted by this world that tells you to be realistic. I'm not saying that being realistic is a bad thing, just that it has a time and place. When it comes to our belief in God and His power, we can and probably should be "unrealistic." He tells us over and over just believe. But it can be hard. I am not saying this is easy. I struggle with it too. I just want my prayer today to be like the father of the sick boy that says, "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24)

One of my close friends is a huge Andrew Peterson fan. His newest sing is called "Dancing in the Minefields." I love this song. Its a story of a couple and their faith in God. That God is with them so they can dance in the minefields. In real life would any of us really dance in a minefield? People would call us crazy, but I say let them. God calls us to do things all the time that people might call crazy, but since we have God on our side the crazy thing is not to listen to Him. Please understand that I am speaking metaphorically and don't go find a minefield (well unless you really feel like God is calling you to do that :)

I will leave you with a quote from John Calvin. "Our own unbelief is the only impediment which prevents God from satisfying us largely and bountifully with all good things."


Saturday, January 15, 2011

Day 27- Determination

Last week when Ry and I were leaving church, we both looked at each other and had the same thought. Each week we always seem to hear just what we needed to hear that week. We love our church. Not only was the adult service awesome, but God even used what I was teaching to the elementary kids to teach me. I definitely got a double dose last week. I wanted to write about this earlier, but its been a crazy week. We decided to go full force after trying to get Ry a pilot slot with the Air National Guard. Things fell through with MARC, so we see it as God closing that door so we'd know what to go after. I know this all may seem off topic, but it fits I promise.

Last week in church we started a new virtue with the kids: Determination. "Determination- deciding its worth it to finish what you started." As I prepared to do my small group lesson I really thought about how determined I was to follow through with the no meds to get pregnant decision. I've had a lot of support and I am still just starting this journey. In a year, will I have stuck to it? I am determined for that answer to be a yes. God put me on this path for a purpose and I am going after it. Yes, I want a baby and modern medicine may have a short cut for me to get there, but what would I be cheating myself of? Through this journey God is growing me into the woman He wants me to be. Reading the lesson for this week, the bottom line is, "keep doing what you should do so you don't miss out on something really good." That is so true! Ry and I are determined to follow the path God has for us. He may have closed a door on Ry with missions aviation, but maybe that was so He could open a door to military aviation. If we focus too much on when God tells us "no", we will miss out on what He tells us "yes" to.

 Jeremiah 29:11 is a verse of scripture quoted a lot. What many miss is the passage before it. Jeremiah is writing about how they are going to be exiled. How they aren't going to get what they want right now. But then in verse 11, he brings them hope. A reason to be determined to follow God's plan, even though it doesn't make sense. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." All this to say, if you know what God is calling you do to do, be determined to do it. Chase after it with all of your heart. If you don't know, keep following Him and be determined to trust his plan.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Day 20- Hope

My last post I was in a hurry, but I wanted to share the good news. So I didn't write much. This post will be more details. Yes, I started my period Wednesday without the help of medicine. Which the nurse who gave me my progesterone results before I started this blog said was highly unlikely. So I want to give all the praise to God. This period has probably been the worst one I've ever had even though it only lasted three days. I would compare the pain to when I had my last kidney stone. I gushed blood and there were lots of clots. Sorry if that's too graphic, but I just wanted to share that this was intense.

The story about this goes back about a week and a half ago. I know right now that sounds weird, but I will explain. We were in St. Louis visiting our families, which was awesome. Ry got a cold weather sleeping bag and wanted to try it out. So he was sleeping outside and I was by myself. I was a little scared and I just felt like I needed to pray. So I just started praying about everything. Once I stopped, I listened to the silence and felt God say that He heard my prayers and that he was answering them. I felt an incredible peace and fell asleep. When I woke up, I still felt great. I thought about what I had heard, but I applied it to everything but my infertility situation. We have had a lot of prayers lately. We are trying to figure out what Ryan should do now that he has graduated and my mom's dog had a tumor that was removed and tested for cancer and the list goes on. I was at a point with my infertility that I wouldn't say that I had lost all hope, but my expectations were low. I had gotten used to the way my body was acting. In 18 months I had gone from thinking each month "this is the month I'm finally going to get pregnant" to "okay we are on day such and such, how late is my period going to be this month." It had become easier to not hope. Hoping hurt because every month I was let down. So that is why when I heard my prayers were answered, I assumed it was for something else. I had faith that God was doing something for us, but I was scared to hope for myself. Praise God, He did it for me anyway. I know I am not pregnant, but having a normal period is a first step toward that. I, also, learned a big lesson. Even if hoping hurts, we still have to do it. If our hope is in God, even if we do not get what we are hoping for, our hope will make us stronger. We have to trust God's timing instead of our own. So my challenge for you today is to put your hope in the God who created the universe out of nothing. Don't put your hope in the doctors or your friends or any person. People fail us, but God never will.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Day 16

So its day 16 of the no meds and I have good news. I finally started and it started naturally! I haven't had one that wasn't medically induced since last March. So its a big deal. I'm hurting pretty bad, but its okay. I am happy for a fresh start. Maybe this month will be different. Its the first cycle I'm doing completely medicine free. (Last cycle, I took clomid.) So we'll see what happens. But praise God the last cycle is over and it only lasted 53 days. Also, that it ended naturally. I'll keep you updated :)