Monday, February 21, 2011

Thank you

I just want to thank everyone for all the encouragement I received since starting this blog and especially over the last few days. I started writing this blog because I felt God calling me to do it. When I started, I did not know if anyone would read it. I was just following what I felt like God was telling me to do. I was hoping to help others by writing this. My heart goes out to anyone else going through infertility. What I am now realizing is that I am being helped through my blog. During the tough days, I read the comments I have received, the prayers and the stories, and I am so uplifted. I read that 15 percent of all couples go through infertility. That is a lot higher than I expected. We need to band together and support each other. I can't do this alone and I imagine most of the women going through infertility are the same way. I am blessed to have a Savior who loves me and is guiding me through this journey. He has brought so many great people into my life and I am so thankful for all of you. So this post is dedicated to all the amazing people encouraging me as I am on this journey. I may have already quoted this verse on here, but it's one of my favorites so I'll write it again. Ecclesiastes 4:12, "Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken."  Thank you for standing with me and keeping me from being overpowered by this. I love you guys.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Day 62- Tough day

So I'm going to be honest. It was a tough week. I was still recovering from pneumonia and got my wisdom teeth out. I am physically drained. Being so drained, it is so much easier to have problems in other areas. It is day 45 of my cycle and still no period :( We broke down and I did a pregnancy test Monday. Part of that was because I was getting my wisdom teeth out, but part is because I wanted to know. It was negative. So I'm just a mess right now. Physically I do not feel great and my hormones are out of whack making me emotional. Today I just need prayer. I'm fighting back the tears as I write this. I try to be strong and encourage others, but there are days when you just need help. Today is one of those for me. Sorry I just want to be open and honest on here.

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for me. Infertility is not easy.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Day 56

Wow I can't believe I've been writing for almost two months. Time has flown by. I'll start by giving a health update. I am almost over the pneumonia. I was back at work this week which I was super happy about. Tuesday next week (Feb. 15th) I am getting my wisdom teeth out. That is long overdue and I am hoping it will help me feel a lot better once I have healed from the surgery. Also, at the end of this month we might have an idea of what Ryan's flying future may look like. I can't give too many details yet, but please be praying for him.

All that to say February has already been a crazy month. I am late again. I haven't done a pregnancy test yet. We are kind of just waiting it out right now. I am on day 39 on my cycle. I am getting a little anxious, but we have spent so much money on pregnancy tests over the last year and a half that I do not want to waste any more money.

I read a devotional from my Bible this week that I wanted to share with you guys. It is from the Hugs Bible for Women.

"God promises that all things are possible with Him, and He promises to work good things in the lives of those who trust Him. Count yourself among that number today and every day of your life. When you put your faith in God, you avail yourself of His power and His peace. And when you take God at His word- when you believe that absolutely nothing is impossible for Him- you'll be amazed at the things He can do. Today, as you fulfill the responsibilities of everyday life, expect God to do big things for you and yours. Trust that the Creator of the universe is capable of moving any mountain, including the ones looming ahead of you. And don't ever be afraid to ask for a miracle... because God is a miracle working God."

I sometimes find myself selling God short. I say, "well God that is too much for me to ask for, so if you could just do this then it will be okay." Why am I scared to ask for the miracle I really want? I ask for my cycle to be regulated when I am really hoping that He will miraculously fix my hormones and give me a baby. No more. I am going to ask and believe that He will give me the miracle child I want so badly.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Day 49- Strength

So it has been a rough week. Last weekend I started feeling sick. My fever got up to 102.5. So I went to the doctor and after doing a bunch of tests he diagnosed my with pneumonia. Yuck. I got probably the worst shot I have ever gotten. Ryan said he could barely watch them give it to me. Plus I've been on medicine to try to clear the gunk out of my lungs. It has not been a fun week. I didn't get to go to work and I miss the kiddos and my coworkers. Also, I was supposed to start on Wednesday. I'm on day 34 of my cycle, so hopefully I will start soon.

Now that you are updated on my physical condition, I wanted to share about strength. It amazes me how many people tell me how strong I am after I share with them some of what I am going through. My husband has even mentioned it in the last week or two. I've been home alone a lot this week and in between watching daytime tv and taking naps I thought about whether I am strong or not. One of my friends about a year ago after praying over me told me that I am a lion, but that I don't see myself that way. She told me to stop holding back. That was a shock to me. But now as I am writing this and contemplating my strength maybe there is some of that lion in me. Whether I am strong or not though is not really the point. The point is where my strength comes from and that is not me. My strength comes from the Lord. David says that over and over in the Psalms. Samson who is considered one of the strongest men in history learned the tough way that his strength came from God. I don't think anyone can be strong outside the power that God gives them to do so. Strength comes from relying on God.

One of my favorite songs is In Christ Alone. We sing it at church and the band rocks. I cannot sing that song without crying and feeling the presence of Christ. Owl City does a great version of it along with several other artist. If you have not heard it I recommend you youtube it. Below are the lyrics. As you read them remind yourself that you are strong, because God gives you that strength. God is with you wherever you are at whether you are dealing with infertility like me or some other trial of life. May God grant you the power to believe and trust In Christ Alone.

"In Christ Alone"
In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless Babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save

Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live, I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again

And as He stands in victory
Sins curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From a lifes first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny

No power of hell, no scheme of man
Could ever pluck me from His hand
Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand"