Friday, July 12, 2013

Roller Coaster

So after spending time with some amazing people this week and uploading pictures from ERNC I was on the verge of crying. Wow I am going to miss Alaska. The people, the scenery. I love it here. Which is crazy because if you saw me a little over 2 years ago I was throwing a fit about coming here. Asking Ryan "Are you sure God wants us to move to Alaska?" and then asking God "Are you sure we need to go there?" I have cried every time we have moved. Yet once we were settled, I loved where God sent us. It is just a reminder to me of God's sovereignty. He knows so much better what is best for me than I do. I try to remind myself of that when I start freaking out about Botswana. I am so excited to go and serve but it does not keep me from being human and having a roller coaster of emotions. Some days I am full of faith and ready to tackle those mountains in our way (well God tackles them- but you know what I mean). Then there are days where I am so stressed I have to push it all aside and take a break (like yesterday when we were working on prayer cards and looking at the calendar trying to decide our move dates). I have noticed something though. I have one of those panic moments or extreme grief moments where I feel I am being tested. Example: When OCS called with what would be the perfect placement and my heart broke because I had to be honest and say we were moving soon. I was sobbing after that call and had that "if we weren't moving we might have gotten to adopt" thought. I rebuked it and prayed for strength. I had a Matthew 26:41 moment ("Watch and pray so you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.") The next day I got an
e-mail that I had been waiting a month for from the orphanage where I feel called to volunteer. It has become a cycle. We get down about something but in the next few days God sends us reassurances that we are doing what we are supposed to do. God is so amazing. Thank you everyone who is praying for us. This journey is not easy but its worth it.