Saturday, January 8, 2011

Day 20- Hope

My last post I was in a hurry, but I wanted to share the good news. So I didn't write much. This post will be more details. Yes, I started my period Wednesday without the help of medicine. Which the nurse who gave me my progesterone results before I started this blog said was highly unlikely. So I want to give all the praise to God. This period has probably been the worst one I've ever had even though it only lasted three days. I would compare the pain to when I had my last kidney stone. I gushed blood and there were lots of clots. Sorry if that's too graphic, but I just wanted to share that this was intense.

The story about this goes back about a week and a half ago. I know right now that sounds weird, but I will explain. We were in St. Louis visiting our families, which was awesome. Ry got a cold weather sleeping bag and wanted to try it out. So he was sleeping outside and I was by myself. I was a little scared and I just felt like I needed to pray. So I just started praying about everything. Once I stopped, I listened to the silence and felt God say that He heard my prayers and that he was answering them. I felt an incredible peace and fell asleep. When I woke up, I still felt great. I thought about what I had heard, but I applied it to everything but my infertility situation. We have had a lot of prayers lately. We are trying to figure out what Ryan should do now that he has graduated and my mom's dog had a tumor that was removed and tested for cancer and the list goes on. I was at a point with my infertility that I wouldn't say that I had lost all hope, but my expectations were low. I had gotten used to the way my body was acting. In 18 months I had gone from thinking each month "this is the month I'm finally going to get pregnant" to "okay we are on day such and such, how late is my period going to be this month." It had become easier to not hope. Hoping hurt because every month I was let down. So that is why when I heard my prayers were answered, I assumed it was for something else. I had faith that God was doing something for us, but I was scared to hope for myself. Praise God, He did it for me anyway. I know I am not pregnant, but having a normal period is a first step toward that. I, also, learned a big lesson. Even if hoping hurts, we still have to do it. If our hope is in God, even if we do not get what we are hoping for, our hope will make us stronger. We have to trust God's timing instead of our own. So my challenge for you today is to put your hope in the God who created the universe out of nothing. Don't put your hope in the doctors or your friends or any person. People fail us, but God never will.

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