It has been a really crazy week. The one thing I have learned is that most of the time things don't go the way you plan. I am a planner. I like to know every detail. I am a little weird like that. Yes I can go with the flow and be flexible, but I prefer to have a plan and follow it. I make lists and schedules. It is just the way I am. So I think that is why it has been so hard to let go and say okay God in your timing in your plan. I wanted to have kids by now. I know that there is a reason we haven't been able to and that someday I'll look back and understand. But in this moment it is hard to accept. It is a constant battle for me. Everyday I have to give it to God and there are days I don't want to. There are days I want to be a toddler telling my Father no while kicking and screaming. I want my way. It is then that I am reminded that I am just a child and I do not know everything that I think I know. I just have to trust my Father knows best. Ry sent me a text this week with 5 names on it. I was confused and texted back asking what they were. He said they are our children's names. I had to bite my lip from bursting into tears. That is so the desire of my heart and now that Ry feels it too it makes it so much harder not having it. So I am hoping and praying this is the month God gives us our miracle. But I know even if he doesn't I have to trust His plan. Pray for us as we wait and trust.
PS. Happy Easter everybody