Goodbye

Saying goodbyes are always tough- especially when you don’t know if you’ll get to see them again. I still remember cradling a sleeping Kaitlyn in my arms one last time before handing her back to her social worker. I remember the tears streaming down my cheeks when the van carrying Mark drove away. Those moments still fill me with ache. With Vincent, I did not get an official goodbye and for a while that hurt. I came in and heard from the kids that he went home.  Even with the happiness for him there was sadness of separation. I see now I was spared a tough goodbye. Looking back on that last day- I wouldn't have changed it. We had school time and went to the playground. He was scared of the slide and would only go down if I held his hand. Then he would giggle the whole way down. We got to swing together and snuggle. I hugged him bye as I do with all the kids. He yelled out the window, “Auntie! Auntie!” I waved and he blew me kisses. I blew kisses back and went home. No pain- just a happy day. I rejoice over the reunification. That is the goal- family for each little one. More goodbyes are coming and with each a part of my heart goes. But instead of holding onto the sadness and self-pity- I choose joy. I choose to remember the good times. I am a part of these kids’ story. I don’t know for how long or short- but I am going to make it a good part. I cannot do that wallowing in what could have been. I must live in the moment and enjoy each day for the blessing it is. Goodbyes are coming- but so are hugs, kisses, laughs, dances…

Prayer Request- Still not well. Full round of antibiotics and vitamins but still having chest pain, back pain, and occasional fever with chills. Taking the week to recover. Please pray that I can kick whatever this is and have my immune system functioning again. I miss the kiddos. Thanks :)

 First flight in Africa! :)