Blessed

This has been a crazy busy week. My heart and my eyes have been opened so much in these few short days. I have been avoiding writing in part because of the busyness- but also because I struggle with the words to explain. But I feel the need to try.

Most of you probably know that my husband and I are in Africa now. We've been here a little over 2 weeks. This week I started helping out at a preschool/ daycare. In my selfishness I dreaded getting out of bed that first morning. (I am not a morning person. need coffee to survive the AM) When I got to the school, however, it was so worth it. These beautiful children surrounded me with hugs and saying "good morning teacher" "you are beautiful teacher" "I love you teacher." Then I got to worship God, teach, and play outside with them. They stole my heart. Not saying it was easy. I went home worn out. Child to teacher ratios aren't the same here as in the States. But that is another story.

3 days ago I had a conversation with one of the children that started a change in my heart. The children's assignment was to draw their house and their fattest cow (cattle is a sign of wealth here. instead of asking how much $ you make you wonder how many cows they have). Thula was very artistic and drew a wonderful drawing of a house- but then he stopped. I told him well done on his house and that I couldn't wait to see the cow. He got a sad look on his face and told me he couldn't draw a cow because his father did not have one.

The next day I had a conversation with the head teacher and she told me most of the children get so excited and fight over the toys is because the only time many of the children see toys is when they are at school. She asked me if children in America had many toys. My heart was broken. I remembered my childhood when I had so many toys that many sat on the shelf for days before I rotated them into the play schedule. I spent many hours marrying my Barbies to my Ninja Turtles and having them live in my toy castle. I thought of how my childhood would've been different if I had no toys. I came home sad and wanting to do something about it. I am resolved to do some awesome art projects with the kids and try to make them some toys they can take home.

I have been seeing all of these thankful post on Facebook this month and I think it is great. We should be thankful. There is a meme going around that says something along the lines of "November the month every one posts what they are thankful for before going back to complaining on Facebook the other 11 months." We have so much in the States. There are the basic necessities that we don't even think about that other countries don't have. Food, water, shelter, electricity... Can you imagine not being able to provide that for your family? We went on a field trip yesterday and half the children could not go because their family could not afford it. It was like the Botswana version of Disneyland and cost less than $20 USD. Some families here make less than that in a week and Botswana is one of the richer countries in Africa. I felt poor back in the States because we could barely manage financially. Compared to other places in the world- we were millionaires. I complained and was miserable about our financial situation but here they have so much less and are happy.

I am not writing this to make anyone feel bad. I just want us to see how blessed we are in the U.S. and encourage you to do what you can to help the less fortunate. I don't believe God blessed us with $ to keep it all to ourselves. It is easy to focus on ourselves and what we don't have. I do it too. But this life is not supposed to just be about what we can get out of it. In Matthew 25:40 (the sorting of the goats and sheep parable) Jesus says, "Inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to me." Let's take our faith and start doing something with it. Feed the hungry. Adopt an orphan or give to a family trying to adopt. Give blankets and shelter to the homeless. Spend time with a widow or child in need. Babysit for a family that desperately needs a break. Fill a shoebox for Operation Christmas Child. The list goes on. We can stand by and complain about these things or we can get up and do something.

Sorry I felt that needed said. I will get off my soap box now.

Quick Update

Dumela! (Greetings) We have made it to Botswana. This post will be fairly brief. I just wanted to give a quick update. I basically have 2 things to share.

A. We are in Africa. So far we are enjoying it and working on adjusting. Jet Lag has been rough. We had not fully gotten on a schedule when we moved from Alaska so we were still pretty much on Alaska time when we moved here. There is a 10 hour difference. So our bodies are having to adjust. In addition we are working on learning the language and the culture. They do speak English but we are learning some words are different from English in the States. For example Ryan asked for a napkin at a restaurant and the waitress gave him a look. Over here they are serviettes and napkin is the word for diaper. We are also are learning to convert dollars into pula (8:1) and Fahrenheit to Celsius.

B. If you saw my "We're Having a Book" post you know we were hoping I was pregnant. Unfortunately that is not the case. I have started using some natural remedies and we will see if that changes things. I'm hoping for improved health and anything else is just a bonus. Like all things I am learning it has to be in God's timing. He knows what is best and I just have to trust. I have to let go and believe. Obsessing over it makes me miserable and does not change a thing.

So like I said I am going to make this brief and leave it at that. Hopefully later I will be able to write more. Please pray for us as we adjust to our new life and culture. Thanks :)

The Story Behind: "We're Having a Book"

So I know I have been writing a lot about Africa lately. This post is going to get back to being more about infertility. Just a heads up.

As many of you know Ry and I have been trying for over five years to conceive. It has been quite the roller coaster. Infertility is so hard. It attacks you in every aspect: physically, emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually. Your body becomes not your own. While you are in physical pain and can be subjected to many doctors appointments and medicines. Those medicines can make you feel even worse. Ask Ry- I was not me while taking Clomid. It works for some people but not me. Then there is the constant monthly (if your cycle is even normal) reminder that you aren't pregnant. That can leave you in tears for days. You can beat yourself up about it and second guess everything you did that month. Maybe I drank too much coffee. Should I have ate more broccoli? And sometimes you wrestle with God. I cannot tell you how many times I have asked Why me Lord? So any way you look at it- infertility sucks. Sorry no other word to describe it. It is messy and can reek havoc on your marriage. When your hormones are making you psycho and you cry at the drop of a hat or get hurt/angry over nothing. Not the stuff Disney makes movies about. Just saying. (Luckily I got a good guy who stands by me and understands when I have my crazy moments.)

So long intro to get to the story of yesterday. With infertility being so hard sometimes even in the hard stuff you have to step back and laugh. I am late. That may explain my ranting. But anyway, yesterday I broke down and took a pregnancy test. Now I have taken at least 50 of these tests. I have taken so many we should have bought stock in them. Seriously. So after taking it I get:

                         

What? I start getting upset. I KNOW how to take a pregnancy test. Why is there an error/ look at instructions message. Then the thought is whispered in my ear. Let's have fun with this. Instead of crying or stomping my feet in anger, I needed to laugh. So I saunter downstairs test in hand and wave for Ry to come over. I take his hand and lead him upstairs. Then in my most serious voice I said "Babe. If I am reading this test right (long pause) we are having a BOOK." The look on his face was priceless. After it all set in we both started cracking up and even posted it on Facebook.

So why am I sharing this? Life is HARD. Everyone faces trials of some sort. Jesus told us their would be trials. So we can focus on the hard stuff and be miserable. Or we can let it go and enjoy our life.

Jesus doesn't just leave us with a warning saying we'll have trials. The verse continues on to say:

John 16:33, " I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Take heart guys. Jesus has overcome it all. Don't let your trial bring you down. Let it make you stronger. 

PS. Now I am not saying this because I have it all down pat. I struggle with this too. 

Leap

In 17 days God-willing we will be in the air on our way to Botswana! (Well South Africa first- then Botswana) It is crazy to think we are almost there. We've done so much prepping for it and have so much still to do. It just almost doesn't seem real. I am scared of the unknown and leaving dear family and friends. But I am excited too. I know this is the path God is leading us down. A couple days ago I saw on Mandisa's facebook page,

"We often think our calling comes when we follow bliss, when actually it comes when we face our greatest fear. Your calling is where your talents and your burdens collide." from the Catalyst Conference
Africa will be combining my talents and my burdens. I have been told that I am good with kids and teaching. Also, that my spiritual gift is mercy. My burden is helping kids, especially orphans. So combine all that and you get me teaching and loving on orphans. That is what I'll be doing in Africa. That is what excites me so much I feel like I am going to burst. I can't wait to go even if it is just to impact 1 kid. My heart starts to race and I get goosebumps when I talk about helping those kids. 

But then there is the human side of me. The side that rationalizes that this is BIG. We aren't moving to another state. Alaska is kind of like its own country because its so different from the lower 48 but its still part of the US. We are going to a different continent and hemisphere. It is a huge change. Different language. Different money. Driving on the other side of the road. Using the metric system. Ect. It is overwhelming and scary.

So what do you do? Let fear hold you back or push past it and make a difference (or at least try)?  It'd be easier to stay in my comfort zone but that is not where I am supposed to be. So in 17 days we are taking the leap. Believing in faith that God will catch us and take care of all the scary stuff. Please pray for us as we go on this journey. I also want to encourage you if God if calling you to take a leap of faith. Trust Him and go for it! Let me know what it is so we can pray for you too.

8%

In the past couple years we have heard a lot about "the one percent."  Today I want to talk about a different number: the 8%.

I'll get to that in a minute. Lately Facebook has been exploding with baby/pregnancy posts. It seems like everyone we know (well not everyone but I'd say over half) is either pregnant or had a kid in the last year.  Which is great and we are super happy for our friends and family, but it leads us to question: why aren't we part of that group? Ry asked me that the other night. It is hard wanting to be a parent and not being able to especially after spending several months as a parent. I want to be mommy again. So why not us? My answer to Ry (and I don't know where it came from) was, "Maybe we aren't parents yet because we haven't met our kids yet." Over the course of the past five years of trying we have talked a lot about adoption. We've read books and done research. We were even foster parents. We want to adopt whether God allows us to conceive some day or not.

A statistic I read the other day blew me away. I have been reading Kisses From Katie (amazing book). In it Katie Davis writes,

"The truth is that the 143 million orphaned children and the 11 million who starve to death or die from preventable diseases and the 8.5 million child slaves, prostitutes, or under other horrific conditions and the 2.3 million who live which HIV add up to 164.8 million needy children. And though at first glance that looks like a big number, 2.1 billion people on this earth proclaim to be Christians. The truth is that if only 8% of Christians would care for one more child, there would not be any statistics left." 1

Whoa. Let that sink in for a minute. All it would take is 8% of us. And that is just 1 child. What if some of us took in multiple children. I know not everyone is capable of adopting or supporting another child. But what if the other 92% got behind the 8% and pitch in to help make it possible. There are churches that are doing just that and I think it is amazing. Anyone who adopts- you are amazing. Ry and I hope and pray to join you. We are going to Africa with the door to our home and hearts open. My prayer is that we can foster/ adopt multiple children. When I think of the children and the impact we could make I get really excited for Africa.

Not going to lie, our fertility struggle has been rough. But it will all be worth it if we can make a difference for a needy child. I don't know what is in store for us but I have hope.  We can make a difference. :) Jesus tells his disciples that others will know they are disciples by their love. That is something we (myself included) don't always get right. Most non-Christians think of the church as "judging." So let's change that. Go love someone today. God is the one who changes the world but we are blessed that sometimes He uses us.


1 Davis, K. (2011) Kisses From Katie Howard Books, NY p. 121-122.

Mission Alaska: Life Lesson From Our Near Arctic Adventure

As I sit here trying to put into words what I am feeling right now, I am worried I won't get it right. I have so much going on in my heart and mind and am unsure words can do it justice. But I am going to try. Forgive me if I fail.

Okay now that I have got that out there I have to decide where to even begin. See in reality I am probably talking about 2 years of our life but its more than that. I think its a culmination of everything that has happened in my life at all. We recently moved from Alaska. Two years ago God rocked my world and opened the door for us to go to Alaska. At the time I was hesitant. Alaska is cold and far away. Not for me. But I obeyed. See He dangled the chance of Ryan's dream being fulfilled. It was too much for a good wife to say no to. For those that don't know we left for Ry to become a military pilot. He had interviewed that Spring and got denied. The panel suggested he would do better next year if we made the leap and moved. So that was the mission. Move so Ry can be in the military. Or so we thought.

We got to Alaska and even with a record breaking year of snow- I fell in love. Alaska became home. Spring came and Ry interviewed. He got the call that he was selected to pilot a C130. We were ecstatic. We felt all our lives had led up to that moment. Ry had dreamed of being a military pilot FOREVER. He went to mechanic and flight school for that purpose. We met amazing professors that gave him great recommendations- for that purpose. It was the dream and it was becoming real. Things were going well and then we started hitting hurdles. Weeks turned to months and a year later we still hadn't gone anywhere. We started questioning. There was a range of emotions from anger to fear to depression. Then one day Ry told me I think I want to apply to Africa. I was floored. WHAT! NO! That is not the mission. That's what I thought but I said okay. Maybe it would make him feel better. It wasn't the plan so it was not going to happen.

We waited a few more months with no word from anyone. That was a tough time for us. But I have to rewind a little. We became foster parents while we waited on the military. I've wanted to be a mom FOREVER. That is my dream. It wasn't happening naturally. We sought God a year before about foster care. He said no then. That summer, not long after we started the military process, God gave us the green light. We had 2 kids. These kids had it rough. Their stories are heartbreaking. They came into our home and became our kids. We were a family. Well we were for a time. God took little girl away first. She went with family. Oh how that broke my heart. Then around the time we started seeking God about Africa we noticed a change in our boy. It was like a switch went off in him. He went from calling me mom (not to my face- just to his friends and teachers) to intense hatred toward me. Things spiraled and he left us too.

Right after he left we got the calls. With in an hour God opened the Africa door and closed the military. Shock cannot begin to describe what I felt. But it was God's plan not mine that wins out. I know we are supposed to go to Africa and I am excited to go now. What happened? I cannot fully explain it but I'll try.

Today I got closure about our foster kids. For months I have heard from friends "You did the best you could." "You did your job." "God is proud of you for taking care of those kids." Those words were encouraging but I still had that doubting voice in my head. Did I really do the right thing for those kids? I was a far from perfect mother. Maybe someone else could've done better. Today I heard from a friend who saw our boy and said he was doing well. When I heard that I felt closure. I felt mission complete. That got me thinking about our whole time in Alaska. We thought we were there for the military but we were so WRONG! The military wasn't our mission. Our mission was to be there at that time for those kids. I know God sent us there for other reasons too and we'll never know the full impact we had. But I believe even if it was just for them- God would have sent us. The Bible says that God is the father to the fatherless. Their heavenly father loved those kids enough to send 2 crazy young adults 4,000 miles from home to take care of them for half a year. That is insane. Talk about love. And God loves us all with that intensity. Sorry I am just overwhelmed right now with joy and love. It is so hard to explain. I hope I'm not messing this up.

So how does Africa tie into this? Africa is our new mission. I don't know exactly what it will look like. We got Alaska TOTALLY wrong so I am scared to make any predictions. I just know its something. Something that I will hopefully 2 years from now be overwhelmed trying to explain when we come back to visit. All I know is we have closed the door on our Mission Alaska and are proceeding in faith toward Mission Africa. God has a plan and I can't wait to see it unfold. Maybe we will see people get saved. Maybe Ry will love it and never want to leave. Maybe we'll get to impact kids or even have our own kids. Maybe I'll open an orphanage (FYI- I'd love that). Who knows? All I know is I want to complete whatever mission God has for us there. Big or small. We want to make a difference. God has us in the place we are, for the time we are, for a reason. Are you ready for your Mission?

2 years ago when we first got to Alaska

Leaving Alaska 

Poison Ivy Ramblings

So we have made the move safely. We are enjoying time with our family as we prepare for Africa. I did get a poison ivy rash. The rash is not the normal rash- been there done that. It is the worst rash I have had in my life. My arm looks like it could be in some sci-fi movie where aliens burst out of eggs laid in a lady's arm. It is raised and has huge blisters and is utterly disgusting. We have been going back and forth on whether or not to go to the doctor. We really didn't want to spend the money. So I started on one of my tirades about it hurting and of course it happened when we don't have insurance. But God stopped me in my tracks. I was reminded that I at least have that option. Where we are moving they have things must worse than my "zombie bite rash" as Ry calls it and they can't go to the doctor. It was a reminder of how blessed I am. I know we are going to encounter some crazy stuff over there. Culture shock is coming. The statistics are so sobering. I just cannot put my head around their reality. My heart breaks for the Batswana and I have not even met them yet. This is going to be tough. I write this to ask you to pray for us and for the Batswana. Ry and I have really felt that God is calling us to bring light there. Africa used to be called the Dark Continent because no one outside of Africa knew anything about it. Centuries later it is the dark continent for other reasons. Death, disease, poverty. We want to bring the light of Jesus to them. We can't do this alone. We have already felt some spiritual warfare and know more is coming. So please, please, please pray for us.