Tuesday, December 21, 2010
So I'm on cycle day 38 and day 3 of not taking medicine. So far it hasn't been too difficult not being medicated. In fact, I think I feel better than I do when I'm taking the Provera. My struggle today has been more of self pity. The why me question. Why don't I get to be pregnant when it seems like everyone else around me is? It's easy to blame yourself. I wonder if maybe I'm not going to be a good mom, so God is preventing me from having a child for that reason. I want to justify my struggle by finding the reason in it. But the truth is it isn't about me. It's about God. Somehow He is going to use this situation for His glory. I just have to be content in knowing that. I've been reading the minor prophets in the Bible. They question God a lot. For the most part, God answers them in the same way. Telling them of His power and that they just have to trust His plan. Today my prayer is to be like Habakkuk. After writing of all the things that could go wrong he wrote in Habakkuk 3:18-19, "Yet I will exult in the Lord, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. The Lord God is my strength, and He has made my feet like hinds' feet, and makes me walk on high places."