Monday, August 1, 2011

Tell me again that I am strong

So I have some updates. I had a normal cycle this time. It was only 30 days long. The weird thing was it was one of the most painful cycles I have had. I was woozy and felt like I would pass out each day. And even though I knew it was a good thing to have a regular cycle- this one hit me really hard. I cried and cried. I am still crying as I write this. Church was really great yesterday. During worship I felt God like I haven't since we moved. I started bawling like I used to at Brentwood. God was reminding me that He knows me and sees me. He hasn't forgotten the tears I have cried but He has a purpose in this. He is making me stronger and I have to rely on Him. This journey has really tested my limits. There are days my strength is completely gone and I feel so weak. Like I cannot take another step further. But God has gotten me through. What I have been feeling reminds me of 2 really great songs by Fireflight- Name and All I need to Be. The chorus in All I Need to Be is one of my prayers lately because I do not feel strong enough to do this.  I want to just break down and be done with it. But that is not right. God put me on this journey for a reason and if I give up now I will miss out on what He has for me. I have to keep pushing forward believing God has given me the strength I need to make it.

"All I Need To Be"

Hoping with each new day
I'm moving forward, I push the fear away
And I let go
'Cause I'm so through with barely hanging on
Leaving what's in the past behind
I come closer to crossing over the line
And I won't stop
Until I get what I've been fighting for
You've said it all before

Tell me again that I am strong
Tell me again that I won't fall
I need You here to fix me where I'm wrong
Take me beyond what I can see
Break me, make me believe
You have made me all I need to be

Knowing all that I can do is be open when You start to move
In my heart
And now my God, I finally hear Your voice
You've said it all before

Who I am is all I've got
And I can't be who I am not anymore

(I am strong, make me believe)
You have made me all I need to be
(I am strong, make me believe, make me believe) 

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