Friday, September 2, 2011
Life has been crazy busy. I am working a lot and when I am not working- I am working on stuff for Alaska or trying to squeeze in as much time with family and friends before the move. It has been insane. Still no job for me or a place to live up there. We are moving in less than 3 weeks! We'll have a week on the road before we get there but not knowing where we are living yet is tough for me. I find myself checking every AK housing website everyday (sometimes several times a day). We are so blessed to have help from 2 families in Alaska so I am hoping and praying we will know soon. The good thing about being so busy is that I have not had time to stress about the infertility. So in that area of my life I have been doing okay. Well that is until I check facebook and see all the pregnancy statuses or get asked "You're married and great with kids- why don't you have any yet?" I spare most people the details and just tell them we've been trying. That is such a tough question because I even find myself asking that question. Not in the same manner that others are asking. They are just curious and want any answer. I walk away with tears in my eyes because I want the real answer. I want to know why my body hates me and causes me so much physical and emotional pain. I want to know if I'll ever be able to have kids. But right now I don't have an answer and its tough. But I just have to have faith that God's plans are bigger and better than mine. Who would have thought years ago when Ry and I got married that in the first 5 years we'd live on both coasts (Virginia and Alaska). I believe that God is going to do big things in our lives if we let Him. This infertility is preparing me for what He has next. I hope that in five years we'll be able to look back with amazement at the journey God has taken us on.