Friday, June 24, 2011


Warning: Before you read this please keep in mind I am very hormonal right now. So I appologize if it skips around or doesn't make sense. i just need to type right now. I am 9 days late and my body is driving me insane. One minute I feel fine the next I want to bawl my eyes out and never get out of bed. Argh. And I am tired. I just want to sleep and eat. Out of no where I get these impulses to eat certain things- I guess craving may be the correct terminology. I'm having hormonal breakout too. It is so frustrating. I don't feel like myself. Women who don't have fertility problems and have normal cycles, the best way to describe it to is like you are on a never ending PMS binge until your body finally gets zapped into reality by a horrible period. I've learned the later you are the more painful and disgusting it gets. Oh the joys of being a woman. I know I am ranting a little bit but I want to show what real life is like for the woman that goes through infertility. We are not all alike. Some do have normal cycles. Some go through it worse that I do (God bless those women I don't know how they do it). But the whole cycle thing is infurating. If they are like me they never know when they will actually start. So they have to go weeks wearing the not so cute underwear in case you start and checking the toliet to make sure. The PMSing is terrible. I have never had it bad until the last 2 years that we have been trying and my cycle went psycho. But I think the worse part is the waiting. Just waiting everyday half hoping you start and half hoping you don't. You pray to God that if you aren't pregnant the torture will end and you can start your period but if you are pregnant that you will finally show up on a test.  It is limbo land and it stinks. I pray that I am the only woman that goes through this but unfortunately statistics show that I am not alone. There are so many woman silently struggling through this when they don't have to be alone. That is one of the main reasons I write my blog. I hope that I can minister to others out there going through something similar or who knows someone who does or in the future will. Being a woman is not easy and we need to stand together. So many times I hear woman pulling each other down and it breaks my heart. It is easy to judge but you don't know what that woman is going through. We should encourage each other even if we do not necessarily like everyone. Womanhood has so many ups and downs and normally during the downs we stand silent. What if we open up and say hey ladies I am not perfect I am struggling through this. Please pray for me. What kind of world would we live in if we could all be that volunerable. Reading my blog you ladies should all know by now I am NOT perfect by any means. My name is Jenny and I have fertility problems. That doesn't define me but I need some help along the way. If you are brave enough and want to post what your "imperfection" is I would love to pray for you. Thanks for listening to me rant :)

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